After you’ve been to any kind of treatment for an eating disorder, you seem to come out with this strange belief that contrasts everything that society believes: weight loss is the devil. I tend to not be able to admit that someone needs to lose weight. I don’t congratulate them on their journey to health (when they’re doing it the healthy way!) but become an enabler, telling them that the unhealthy things that they eat are fine. I become unable to be okay with the fact that if they’re doing it for health reasons, it’s to be commended. If it’s for anything but health, it shouldn’t be.

I get stuck in this “weight gain equals good” mentality.

Then all of a sudden I find myself gaining weight because it’s easier to justify the unhealthy choices (that extra piece of cake instead of fruit) than it is to justify that gaining weight isn’t always good. That’s a very bad mindset to get into.

Now I’m wondering where to draw the line. Where it’s okay to say, hey maybe it’s okay to lose a few pounds when I’m talking about myself or other people. With others, it’s easier to say “when they’re at an unhealthy weight, it’s okay to lose weight as long as it’s the healthy way.”

But what about me?

Is it okay to lose weight the healthy way if I’m not necessarily overweight, but above what they’d call my “set point?” Or is it only okay if I’m actually overweight? Or is it never okay at all…?

I just don’t know where that line is. I keep thinking it over and of course the disordered voice is saying that it’s fine right now, that I have to lose weight and that it’s never a problem. I see that that thinking is a problem…but I’m a little convinced.