I’m starting to doubt myself. I mean, I always do, but in terms of school and my major.

Most, if not all, of my friends are pre-med at my school. It’s not surprising- they say 80% of students at Stony are pre-med until their sophomore year, then they realize it’s too hellish to be worth it.

But my friends… I could see them actually going to med school, being doctors. They’re incredibly intelligent and passionate about what they do.

And I’m a psychology student.

At Stony Brook, being a psychology student might as well be a philosophy student. It’s considered a joke, not a real science.

My friend pointed out to me that it’s not like I’m just doing psychology. I’m doing psychology with a concentration in biology and physics. I want to go into biopsychology. I want to do research in psychology.

But I still can’t help but feel….stupid. Stupid around people that have such huge ambitions. They want such big things out of life. They’re the types that are so smart that they get A’s without studying, and end up doing even better when they do. I used to be like that… until all of the eating disorder medical complications caught up to me. Until the heart stuff caused me to have really bad memory and made everything in school just that much more difficult.

I’m tired of feeling stupid. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. Why do I feel the need to compare myself to all of them? They don’t. They don’t think any less of me because I’m not pre-med…so why do I?