January 2012
2 tags
December 2011
2 tags
I've realized that I'm probably the least original...
4 tags
I hate these weird conversations. & what does that...
Friend: What are you up to?
Me: Making new years resolutions!
Friend: What kind of resolutions are you making?
Me: Weight, school, staying healthy! :)
Friend: So drop the skin and just leave the bones? :|
5 tags
Sorry for last night.
So I read over the frantic texts that I sent last night. I read over the journal entries and blogs I wrote. I looked at all of the craziness that exploded from me. Why did I have the sudden urge to get to 80 pounds? Why did I feel the need to never eat again? I have no idea. But here’s a relatively rational and coherent post that I hope will make up for the craziness.
Lately, I’ve...
2 tags
Gilmore girls is my favorite
Rory: Jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, Frat-boy, low life , butt faced miscreant!
Logan: Butt faced miscreant?
1 tag
1 tag
Would 80 pounds be that bad?
Ugh.
5 tags
I decided to go to group.
So I went to group. I felt disgusting and fat and..blah.
But when it came my turn to talk, I didn’t talk about the fact that I’m doing deliberate things to hinder recovery. I didn’t talk about the fact that I’m struggling or that I’m trying to lose. I said I was doing alright, that the struggles are there but tolerable. I wasn’t all that honest. I said I was...
2 tags
Group tonight.
I’m nervous. I haven’t seen a lot of the people in a few weeks, some since around Thanksgiving. I’ve gained. It makes me really nervous. I don’t know. I’m probably just making excuses as to why I shouldn’t go. I know I have to.
Blah.
2 tags
1 tag
2 tags
I kind of want to delete all of my Facebook...
so I can stop comparing what I am now to what I was a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. I see the pictures from tenth grade and how tiny I was and it makes me angry that I’m not that small anymore.
I used to be almost attractive or cute or pretty.
4 tags
4 tags
I made a different blog.
I don’t want this one to become triggering. I don’t want to end up hurting any of you and I don’t want everyone reading all of my craziness (I know a lot of people that I know follow this blog.)
So I made another blog to track my weight, intake, talk about behavior-y stuff. I want this one to stay positive, or at least focused on more than just the disordered aspects of my...
“Sometimes I think my skin will burst into flames. I’m angry at them. I’m angry...”
– wintergirls (via pants-are-irrelevant)
1 tag
“We hope to remind you that you’re living a story. The story is yours and it’s...”
– Fears vs Dreams, To Write Love On Her Arms (via laughitout-v)
2 tags
deepwithintheocean:
Saosin- You’re Not Alone
Seeing my bestie today!
Coco moved to Texas for school and I’m super excited to finally see her again <3
I’m kind of nervous though…it sounds silly but I always hate seeing people I haven’t seen in a while. I’ve gained a lot and I’m scared.
I have no idea why. Dear brain, shut up and stop making me crazy.
2 tags
4 tags
Work.
I worked from 6-10:30. Short enough shift, especially since another guy (awesome, by the way) was working with me until 8:30. You wouldn’t think that would be enough time to get caught up in my head. Wrong.
I was walking around straightening up and I kept catching glimpses of myself in the windows. I really can’t stand it. I see myself and I want to cry. I hate this.
Isn’t...
2 tags
“Time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck,...”
– Life is Funny (via julie911)
I've gotta be honest.
A year and a half ago, this blog was recovery oriented. I had insight, I wanted to get better and I was sure of it. Somewhere along the way, I lost that insight and the drive to get better. I’ve tried, since then, to keep from being triggering although I know, at times, it was.
It’s not going to be recovery oriented for a while, I can tell you that right now. My goal, for the time...
3 tags
“Looks like Santa brought you boobies for Christmas!”
– My Nana
Going on my third period this month?
Okay. I understand. You change birth control, things get screwed up. But three?! No wonder I’ve been a bitch.
2 tags
“And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact...”
– The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via noonecanhurtmenow)
3 tags
I just need there to be less of me.
2 tags
1 tag
2 tags
Oh my God B- in calc!
I thought I failed. Hallelujah
1 tag
Anonymous asked: Don't feel sad. Well, when I feel sad this is what I normally do: watch loads of youtube videos, eat yogurt/healthy snacks, play some fighting games to release the stress, write my problems down in a book like a letter to God and listen to loads of music, oh yeah and read funny stuff :D So calm your armpits woman, it's almost Christmas (ain't gonna ask you to calm your tits cause...
I'm sad and I feel helpless.
Can someone please cheer me up before I give up? Because I really just can’t deal with this right now.
3 tags
Weight sucks.
I haven’t weighed myself in almost a week. I was too afraid to and didn’t want to focus on that during finals week.
I weighed myself today out of curiosity and probably with some not-so-good intentions because of the comment from yesterday.
117. One hundred and fucking seventeen. I’m 8 pounds away from my highest and I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
2 tags
2 tags
Missing her more now than ever.
You looked at me with your sunken in eyes and told me that you were fine. You cried as you pushed away the food that they begged you to eat, and screamed as I pushed it back, asking you to take a bite, just one. You asked me about my boyfriend and told me to go on the date I had planned as you sat in your hospital bed, attached to wires and IV drips. You kept telling me that you were fine....
1 tag
“I’d like to think the best of me,
Is still hiding up my sleeve.
They...”
– John Mayer
4 tags
3 tags
1 tag
Anonymous asked: you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person, and you are loved. <3 the love anon
Anonymous asked: You shouldn't worry about your weight. You're beautiful<3.
6 tags
Bitchfest.
I had a 104 fever during my chem final on Monday and have had a fever on and off since. I woke up this morning with a pretty high fever, had coffee and oatmeal, it broke and I felt better.
My Mom’s ex and I decided to get together; I never gave him the Christmas stuff that he left behind when he moved out. We talked and it was great. I always love seeing him. He helped me through a lot and...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are...”
– Marianne Williamson (via shatteredheartsbrokensouls)