February 2011
Childhood Happiness
So maybe times are hard lately. Maybe it’s hard to get through the day. I have my ups and downs throughout the day, the downs somehow always seeming to outweigh the ups. I want to be a positive person because I don’t want to spread negativity. No one deserves to feel that way, and I need to include myself in that. To spread positivity, I need to find it within myself.
I want to find...
“Eating disorders thrive in isolation, secrecy, and shame. To recover, we need to...”
– Jennifer Weiner THIS IS SO HARD TO DO. (via good-gollymissmolly)
January 2011
6 tags
The Little Things
I’ve decided that I need to be positive. Yes, it’s hard to get through this. Yes, it’s going to be difficult to push the negative thoughts out of my head. But I need to find the amazing things in my life that will keep me going. First of all, my amazing boyfriend. I don’t know what I would do without him. I love when I feel his warmth radiate within me, taking the chill...
12 tags
We can do this.
I can’t promise you it will be okay. I can’t tell you that if you just eat it will all get better. I can’t tell you the ideal weight, size, body type or calorie intake is absolutely perfect for you. But I can tell you that if you just bear through the pain, if you can get through the hardest times with the support of everyone you love…you’ll find a way to live...
Save me.
One addiction for another. Starving myself for cutting.
Why is it one or the other? It’s never simply getting healthy. Cutting doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t feel wrong.
They need to find a way to fix our brains, because I’m not so sure that I can tolerate feeling this way for much longer.
theemptinessandthefullness asked: I don't want to pretend I know what you're going through, that I know how intense your pain is. I don't want to offend you or trivialize how it feels to think suicidal thoughts by offering a solution that may not help, but I want you to know that I am here for you, even if I don't quite understand. Please keep thinking about how much potential you have. Think about yourself as...
I've gotten back to that point. Suicidal thoughts...
proud-of-your-body asked: You have such a great blog. I'm trying to get mine started please take a momment to check it out if you dont mind
6 tags
I'm choosing to be strong.
My boyfriend is overweight. He was when I met him, when I fell in love with him, and three months into this fantastic relationship that I hope will last for the rest of our lives.
But he’s overweight and it’s causing medical problems.
The past few weeks, I’ve been fainting far too many times, and he’s been worried. He knows, of course, that it was because I wasn’t...
Thank you all for your support the last few...
and thank you Alex…remember you’re beautiful.
I think I’ve had a revelation. I’m going to get better.
I will not think bad thoughts.
I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad thoughts.
I ate more than planned today and I’m regretting it. Thoughts of purging are driving me crazy.
No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts. No bad...
How do I handle this?
“You look like a holocaust victim.”
“I’m worried about you.”
“You just look so hungry- I wish I could feed you!”
All things that have been said to me over the past few days. The first two by friends and teachers, the third by a waiter at a diner.
My friend and I talked last night, and he told me that I look like a holocaust victim. I look tired, my...
“It’s only when you’re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only...”
– Lucas Scott (via runamileinmyshoes)
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson (via kari-shma)
5 tags
I wish they wouldn't worry.
It’s hard to believe that things have gotten this bad.
At work today, I fainted again. In the bathroom. My manager asked where I was, they all realized that they hadn’t seen me in a bit. They sent a girl into the ladies room, I was on the floor, passed out. I feel okay now. I haven’t lost that much weight. I’m still relatively healthy. Those are the things I keep telling...
Major Themes: The Supernatural
The acts of Woland and his crew, at first, seem to be done for no reason. When Woland predicts the unlikely circumstances of Berlioz’s beheading, or when Behemoth stages a shoot-out with the entire police force, there seems to be no motivation other than mischief. It all simply seems absurd. After a while their trickery reveals a pattern of preying upon the greedy who think they can have...
“I do have a test today. That wasn’t bullshit. It’s on European socialism. I...”
– Ferris Bueller (via thearticulation)
Love, please forgive me for the insanity.
My love,
That look on your face that night…I felt so horrible. The face you made seemed like you felt helpless, afraid, worried and a little bit frustrated. I hated seeing that look on your face. It hurt even more to know that I caused it. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want this relationship to be destroyed by my relationship with food…I need you to know that I...
Relapse.
So that mental but not physical relapse has become full blown. The logical part of me is aware of it. I can tell myself that the very few calories that I’m eating are absolutely not enough, despite that the eating disordered part of me is screaming that it’s too much.
I feel like the only way to stop this is to lose weight, but I know that I won’t stop losing once I start....
Save me from myself.
I’ve been trying to write something for days. I want to be able to explain to you how I’m feeling, describe the enormous amount of fear, the debilitating fear that’s overcome me.
I’m petrified of the food in front of me, but I also cannot stop eating.
When my boyfriend touches my body, I feel like he can feel each and every roll, that he won’t want to be with me...
Struggle.
I’m doing my best to remember that epiphany that I had just a few nights ago. I want to be able to say that I want to be healthy and happy and proud of my damn body…
So why aren’t I?
I have urges to cut, or purge, or restrict. But I can’t seem to do any of them. Which makes me more depressed even though I should be proud.
I want things to change. I want that epiphany to...
“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than...”
– J.K. Rowling
gluecksgefuehle asked: You are beautiful.
I know you can´t belive me, but I like your body & your pretty face!
I also suffer from an eating disorder and know how hard it is.
But we can!
(sorry for my bad english I´m german :D )
I know you can´t belive me, but I like your body & your pretty face!
I also suffer from an eating disorder and know how hard it is.
But we can!
(sorry for my bad english I´m german :D )
gluecksgefuehle asked: You are beautiful.
I know you can´t belive me, but I like your body & your pretty face!
I also suffer from an eating disorder and know how hard it is.
But we can!
(sorry for my bad english I´m german :D )
I know you can´t belive me, but I like your body & your pretty face!
I also suffer from an eating disorder and know how hard it is.
But we can!
(sorry for my bad english I´m german :D )
Humunculous.
So that is my new favorite word. Humunculous. A fully-formed but miniature human-being.
Is it weird? Probably.
But the second I heard it on Big Bang Theory, I giggled and fell in love with the word, no matter how strange it may be.
5 tags
I can finally see that anorexia is not beauty.
I found a picture today. I used to take pictures every day to track my weight loss “progress.” Of course it was one of those silly pictures taken from the side to see how much my ribs stuck out and how much tummy still needed to be exercised away. I found it in a random folder on my computer. I saw it and, for a second, didn’t realize that it was me. I felt my heart drop, my...
“A recent study found that 95% of non-eating disordered women overestimate the...”
I am...
Name - Meghan Nickname(s) - Meg, Megs, Mega, Froggie, megpeg…tons of others. Age - Seventeen, almost eighteen! :) Current Location - New York Eye Colour - Hazel Hair Colour - Dirty blonde/light brown Height - 5’1” (on a good day.) Weight - I left this for last…I couldn’t decide whether or not to put my weight. It doesn’t matter, because it doesn’t define...
Discover yourself.
1 - What are your five favorite facial features on yourself?
I love my eyes. I like that I can manipulate the color if I want to, that on any given day they’re just a little bit different. Some days, they’re green. If I wear purple, that green is more vibrant. Some days they’re brown, a beautiful deep brown. I’ve always loved them.
My eye lashes. They’re long and...
I can tell anyone else that they are beautiful...
19 tags
Thank you for believing in me now.
It’s a step in the right direction that I believe that he believes the words he’s saying to me, right?
He told me that once a week we are going to sit down and just say the things that I’ve never believed about myself.
We sat in my room for over an hour tonight just saying “I am not that fat.” Mostly because I couldn’t even handle saying “I am not...
